My door: it's officially closed now.
I have a lot going on in my mind right now, i'm pretty vulnerable for a fact, i'm helpless and i'm crushed.
So now, tell me please, are you happy?
The other day when I said, “please don't love me, cause i'll hurt you in some way,” but you've told me that “it's okay,” now I know you don't really mean it that day.
The other day when I cry, are you there for me, for sure, you don't even give a damn, and few days later, when you knew about the cry-ing thingy, you called me 'chembeng'.
So now, tell me please, are you happy?
Few days back, when I call you and ask for a meet-up, I myself really desperate-ly want to meet you, make it or break it decision making, and after hang up the phone, i'm blaming myself for being such a desperate-ly needing girl. Let's be clear, i'm not needing you, just needing you to accept my apologizing, (face to face).
Few days back, when I call you, I wanted to say goodbye forever, that's supposed to be the last call, but then, I don't have the guts to say it out loud while we're on the phone, I guess, i'm not ready, that's all.
So now, tell me please, are you happy?
Today, when I'm asking you to leave me, once and for all, I purpose-ly put it in my blog, cant seems to find other way to reach you, and fyi, they don't even know who KATAK is! Why making such a big fuss about that? I don't have the courage to even send you a comment on myspace or pick up my phone and dial your number, have you ever thought of how many times I turn off/turn on my phone? I guess not, you don't even care pon.
Today, when I received you messages, I know it wont be a good one, i'm well-prepared for that, I wont cry no more, cause I don't think I'll love you the same way like before, and I'm not the one who is changing, it's you doe, never thought a man who once upon a time was so in love with a girl can actually said some harsh words to the same girl in just 2 months period after they breaking-up, how drastic is that? And are you worth the titled 'man' itself? Haih. and thanks for the song, it really does resemble how un-matured you are, and suprising-ly, I just realised that.
So now, tell me please, are you happy?
This is not an entry of complaining or what, I just wanted to clear things up, not for you, but for me, so that from now on and the coming days, I will know the reasons for not loving you no more, not as a friend, and not even close to that.
We've shared something last time, and til now, I don't even know what is that something, for sure it is not LOVE, you've said I gave love a bad name, trust me now, you did too.
I'm better now, and I know i'm better without you, much better than before, I'm in better state, I'm in better condition with my family, I'm in better situation with my friends, and luckily, Allah S.W.T sends me a better man, to keep me company and happy all the time.
I'm done. Before I closed the door of us, I just wanted to say that I've already forgive and forget the things that you've done, it wont worth risking anymore hatred kind of feeling, I'm tired already, and there's always a chance of our path meeting again, you know you can walk in cause I won't lock the door, anytime but not in this near future, because, it is just too much now, hence, I don't think anything including my apology will work, maybe later. Til then, take good care of yourself, and I hope you'll be happy, now and always. :)
My door: it's officially closed now.
Sincerely,
Annur Binti Razali.
By: [thatreservedgirl]
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